So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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