I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
