Even water is tasting like jack daniels
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
