dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
