I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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