shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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