The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
