i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Everyone says I win the strip club
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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