i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
