Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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