Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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