Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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