I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
