well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
