He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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