After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
