I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
