I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
