She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
