Did you just see the Batmobile???
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
