you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
