i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
