I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize