matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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