Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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