Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
