Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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