I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
