I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
