we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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