1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it hurts more in the daytime
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize