bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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