shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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