i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
