The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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