2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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