areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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