I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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