and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i dont even know how to be here
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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