Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I look better un-naked...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
