It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
