You're so nebulous sometimes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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