You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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