The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
