the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dick very happy bro
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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