When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
