Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
