Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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