just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
