Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
