just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
