Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
