Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
