Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
