Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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