The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
