Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
