Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
