I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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