This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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