oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
