I must be too annoying 4 u.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
