if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize