I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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