is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
