I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
