dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
