my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
ttyl tear gas
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
