i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
