Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
