nut hugger
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
