So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
