i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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